Quietus

   5...5...5... That's all I can think of now, how is it possible? We as humans have been taught that 2+2=4 so how could 5 be the answer, I keep counting O'Brien's fingers in my head, and all I can see is 4 fingers, nevertheless I must convince my self that the answer is 5.
  All of it, it's coming to an end. What awaits me in room 101... only he knows. How could I let this happen? How could I be so foolish? I simply don't understand. Enough Winston, get it together! How can I, with all these thoughts racing through my mind. I have so many of them, yet none of them. How is this possible?  However one thing is for sure, whatever awaits for me in that room cannot be equally as severe as what I lived.
   How long has it been since I've been in here? What could have possibly happen to Julia in all this time? Has she been loyal the way we promised each other, or has she betrayed me? Oh what does it matter now, I'm a dead man either way. Maybe there's still hope? Who are you kidding Winston, there is no hope, hope is long gone my friend. God my body is crying out for help, every inch of my body seems to be drained and helpless. This pain has lead into oblivion. I've been spiraling down this black hole with no way out, maybe this is what is meant to happen, maybe this is my destiny. Do I regret getting involved with her? Should I regret it? Of course not. I'll always love her, I'll always remember her, that sweet scent that has been with me since the first time I caressed her, but will I be broken, will he make me say it? He has the power to do it... but I shall not speak, I shall not let it happen.
I hear something, it's coming my way. This is it.