Friday, November 7, 2014

A Good Party Member

October 1984
Today my teacher has told me to write about our doubleplusgood leader BB.  He is plusgood that he made the Youth League and the Spies and the Thinkpol. I want to grow up faster so that I can become a Thought Police. But first I must go through becoming a spy. My father was a spy and stayed a spy for a plustime. I might do that too. I am a good spy and my small sister is plusgood. Days ago, she spotted an enemy and had him captured! I want to do that someday too. But for now I’m stuck at home with my ungood mother who doesn’t take me out to see the public hanging when I asked her a plustime. We stayed home the day of the hanging and I played with sister, but all she could do was copy me. As we played I hear voices from down stairs and I grab my toy pistol and catapult and ran down stairs in my Spies uniform. I never saw this man before, so I called him a thought-criminal and threatened him, telling him that he would be vaporized. It felt good to think that I caught a thought-criminal. Like I got rid of one more enemy of Big Brother. While he was leaving, I practiced my shot with the catapult and got him straight on the back of his neck. I don’t know why, but my mother started to drag me away. I don’t know why she did that, but what I know I did was kick out a potential enemy from my home. Then I called the man Goldstein, the doubleplusungood man in the whole of Oceania. I hope that soon, the Thinkpol or even a Spy catches him so no one can go against BB again. When my father got home, my mother told him what happened. He was cross and threatened to take my catapult away, but in a way, I knew he was proud of me for not trusting the stranger.  

Son of Mr. and Mrs. Parson

 

No words....

No words....
This newspeak language I have been accustomed to leaves me to write this with not enough words...I don't have enough words to describe what I feel other than pain, hunger, and "unsleep". My death is near, the death of me it is near. 2+2=5...5...O'Brien, it's 5, Oceania is in war with Eurasia...I just know I don't want to go to Room 101, I have no clue what may be in there. I heard terrible things, but I don't know, I just don't know...2+2=5... Just let me die, let me die, knowing that I am alive inside... 

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Its all over for me..

Dear Diary,
It feels like its all over for me.. Believe it or not my body and soul is numb from all this torturing. I feel like my own brain isnt mind anymore, knowing they have taken everything from me. What else can they put me through? How much more pain can they cause me? In my head I hear " Two plus two equals five" over and over again. I want to escape so bad but I cant! Ive lost the one I love to these people. What else can they do to me! I overhear them talking about this room called room 101.. Please tell me its a nice comfy cell because I dont think I can take anything else. I need strength, please give me strength! I cant think, I cant love, I cant feel anything. Its all over for me...

Monday, November 3, 2014

The Last Blog

Dear Diary,

This is most likely going to be the last time i could open, write or even look at my journal. I am exhausted from all this torture. My mental and physical health is getting weaker and weaker. I cannot betray Julia though. I don't know what they are planning to do with me but i no longer have hope that i can live. I don't want to go through this pain anymore. I wonder where Julia is or what she is even doing. Did they torture her too? Did she have to go through what I’m going through? Though i can't seem to hate or love big brother. Confusion is all I feel right now. I feel empty; I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t seem to agree with their knowledge of life. I have my own opinions but for them that’s not acceptable. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to live freely, where I can love who I want, say I what I want and be who I want. I want to be able to say that 2 + 2 is 4, not 5. I hear them coming, I hear the words Room 101. I feel the end coming. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Winston's Last Blog

Dear myself,
Mannn, I've screwed up this time. I've been tortured and forced to betray my the girl I liked much. Most of all I've been brainwashed into thinking big brother is my only savior in surviving this jail experience. Julia sold me out, and I fought for our love all by my lonesome. She's so wicked for that, throwing away what we had. But in the end I guess that's what needed to be done. I'd rather die that obey the world order of big brother, although he has saved me through my simple thoughts I still love hate him. But now, I have no opinion. I neither hate or love big brother. He is dormant in my mind. At this point I am a walking shell of emptiness. My life of rebellion has come to a halt. My existence in my own head is fading away. I am nothing. I want to die, yet I won't kill myself. Society is already doing that for me hypothetically speaking.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Last Words

October 27, 1984


Dear Dairy,
Today might be the last time I can write. It seems like it is coming to an end for me. Every part of my body aches from all the brainwashing torture they are giving me. I feel like my brain is no longer mine. They have taken  over my every little thought and turned it into their own. They say  "Freedom is slavery". They say "Two and Two makes Five" and that "God is Power", but no matter how many times I write it, say it, or try to believe in it, it doesn't make sense to me. I feel like I am going crazy and that everything around me is not real. What am I supposed to do? How can I pleased them and give them what they want? I would rather die in pride of my knowledge rather than become brainwash like one of them and live like a robot. I want a personal victory!!! ......Oh no, I hear the guards walking down towards my cell. They are talking about room 101. What's going to be at room 101? Can it be worst than the torture I had already gone through? What am I going to do? I am scared about what's going to happen next. I can't take it anymore! Please, let me have the bravery to not betray my thoughts!

Break Me

    It is happening. When I thought I was able to be left alone on my own record, it has finally happened. The point where I thought I couldn't take it anymore than I had experienced after that torture. I thought I finally gave into the Party. I felt alone and was happy for it, but I dreamed of days which I could be happy. No more pain. Though when I dreamed I never thought I came to the point of talking in my sleep then suddenly.. Julia. I screamed her name that night and I couldn't help myself. That explained Tom Parson's sleep talking, now I'm doing it. It has given me away and now they're going to torture me into changing my own beliefs. What I see and what I am told gets me conflicted and I just can't think anymore. So I ended up screaming Julia's name, jolting me awake. I believed what ever they have told me, played their games even. I burned 2+2=5 into my mind by writing it on places like the floor or the walls to seem as I believe. Hoping. I would start believing it, though it wasn't good enough. I hated Big Brother and I knew it in my heart that I did. Now they're here for me once again. Room 101. Here I come. Big Brother, I am coming.

Break me if you can.