Julia's Feelings

June 14, 1984

I don't know how I feel about Winston, actually. A part of me wants to hold on to him. A part of me actually has genuine feelings for him. He's interesting and I like that about him. He has an interesting story. I love him. Well, I mean I think I do.

I'm getting to know him, although we have to hide whatever is going on between him and I. We do not even exchange looks as we pass by each other. Complete silence. We hide away in isolated places just to be together. We have to plan our rendezvous carefully if we don't want to get caught by the Thought Police. I don't want Winston to be vaporized. Never that. This is very dangerous, but maybe that's what I love about it. Sneaking around is exciting. I've been doing it my whole life. I don't understand why this is different.

Our working schedules are completely different. I work much more than Winston. I hardly ever have free time. That is doubleplusbad. I spend most of my time with the Junior Anti-Sex League. I attend lectures and demonstrations, prepare banners, and organize campaigns for the Party. I do this all for camouflage. Just to live. Like I always says, "Always yell with the crowd."

I'll try to post later on. Going to see Winston once again.

Sincerely,

Julia