Monday, October 27, 2014

The Ambiguity of Self

I have not thought much of freedom... I do not know how long it has been. I only believe that there is more pain to come. If I just renounce my perception of this reality I have been living... Perhaps the truth is in the words of O'Brien. How can something live within a memory if it cannot be touched or seen? I have gotten so far... Who knows if my mind, my consciousness of what I think -thought- about BB, will stay intact when -if- I get out of this prison?

Why would they stress so much energy to change me? I do not believe that I am truly sick. Maybe I am not seeing reality. I am a threat to society—whether it be delusion or dissent.


I am not fully myself. I have not committed the act of betrayal, yet I feel myself changing. After the all the effort they put into me. I believe that it can only get worse. What new device will torture me? At a simple turn of a dial, I felt the greatest pain I have never imagined. The dial had numbers that increased my pain but what has changed within me immeasurable. I do not know who to trust. Can I even trust myself? The inevitable lies with room 101.

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