Better or Worse

I've always had a slight thought of deceitfulness from my love life. It was always to good to be true, Julia and I. Love has blinded me in all paths, I can't believe I've trusted O'Brien. How foolish of me to actually believe there would be such rebellion. I can't believe I trusted Julia, all of this routine has been lies. I've lived my life in endless pain and curiosity, and I just can't continue on, however if so than I shall die opposing Big Brother. I know they can't do anything to me that will change me in that room that vibrates with screams, room 101. Perhaps it is better to die in this society, perhaps I can think freely when I'm dead without police watching me constantly. But I do have thoughts of them actually getting me to think the way they do. I've heard stories that everyone that comes out of that room alive is different. Perhaps it is a test for those who are strong and weak. Just remember, no pain can deceit you from happiness thus please I must die to be free. I can't live if I stay any longer in Oceanic, and to believe there is actually somewhere better in this world. This is my last message where I am safe to believe I am. I'm sure they will find this sooner or later, goodbye.