Finale

I no longer wish to live.
Everyday, O'Brien, the man I believed to be a rebel, subjects upon me horrors with which no human should be forced to bear. My body aches and breaks with every torture, but I know that my pain will add to the greater good. I am an anomaly and should not exist. I have been told that much from O'Brien, that is true. However, my mind also knows it to be true. It was wrong of me to fight Big Brother's will; he is the king while I am the peon. It is only fitting that I am humbled here, a traitor to Big Brother, a traitor to Oceania, and a traitor to myself.
However, knowing that I am in the wrong does not soothe my pain. It hurts. It feels as if though my body is tearing itself apart. Even my mind seems clouded and confused. But there is hope.  My mind rests only on two things: Death and my beloved Julia. I wait for them to simply put that bullet in my head, and yet I also wish to see her again before I pass. It is fitting that she is one of my only longings... I have yet to betray her, have I? O'Brien can break me, he can hurt me, but he can not take from me what I love most.

Winston