January 5, 1984
Sometimes.. they threaten you with something. I don't know what to do anymore. I had slept with countless of men from the Inner Party to satisfy my sexual desires, but I still don't feel complete. Something is missing; something that needs to quench my emotional desires.
The Party... why are they trying to control us? They are not to be our mind controllers, that is detestable. I work for the Party as a machine operator in the Fiction Department in the Ministry of Truth, but I feel repugnant working for them. To show my zeal, I have to wear an Anti-Sex sash around my waist while participating in the Two Minutes Hate.
On the other hand, I saw Winston Smith, a man working in the Records Department, a few months ago. There was this strange, compelling aura about him that time. I wanted to know more about him, so I slipped a note in his pocket.
It was not only until yesterday that we actually met. I was excited, and thrilled as we ran deep, deep into the woods where no one could have seen us. The more we talked, the more I gained his trust and the more that my sexual desires were aroused.
We had sex that day. It felt different from the countless of times I did with other men. I felt warmth from him, something I never felt before.
I felt that my heart yearns for who he is.
Julia
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